I decide to write how life is the way i look at it.
Yesterday was a good day. I got a loan from the bank to help pay our taxes. It's not enough at all, but at least it's something rather than nothing. So, i'm very grateful about that. Also when i got home, my children were happy, none of them cry or threw any sort of tantrums. Andrew made me happiest because he showed me he got 88 in English and 95 in math. I told him, i'm proud of his hardwork and thank him for his efforts. So it was a great day.
Today, well. Another happy day so far. Believe it or not, today i only have Rp 204.891,- in the bank, Rp 50.000,- in my wallet and i have Rp 50.000,- map voucher in my bag. I used the 50 to buy lunch (i bought mie ayam GM and tea that cost 47.000). and i'm planning to use the map voucher to buy starbucks.
My sister and i talked about how poor we are and laugh about it. She also only have less than 500 in the bank and 50 in her wallet.
Entrepreneurship is funny. There were days when we can buy designer things without even looking at the price tag. But there are also days like today. I'm not worried anymore. I can laugh about how sad and stressful today can be, if i choose to be stressed about not having enough money to buy groceries this week. But, i'm not worrying, so i don't feel stress at all.
Last sunday, in church, the sermon was told in a story. One day there's an old man carrying heavy load on the way to a local market. After walking for a long time, suddenly there's a young man, who was driving a pick up truck stopped next to him and offer him a ride in the back of the truck. The old man agreed and climbed up with his load. When they reached the market, the young man hopped off and saw the old man was so pale and about to faint. Why? The old man stood and carried his load on the back of the pick up truck all the way to the market. Everyone asked him,"my god old man, Why didn't you rest and just put down your heavy load?". Everybody at church laugh a little. Then the Pastor said, "yes, very funny right? But we all are like that old man aren't we? We go to church, and we pray. We said 'thank you God.' But after church, we bring back our fear and heavy burden back home." Then everyone became very quiet. The Pastor continue,"When we pray, we have to surrender our pain and heavy burden to God. Believe with all our heart that God is more capable than we do. Believe that God heard us, and then worry no more."
The more i think about it, the more i see. Worrying is really because we have little faith that help is really on the way. Mostly because we feel we are unworthy of such special treatment from God. Or was that just me? I worried because, i didn't think i'm worthy of God's helping hand. So i feel all alone in my problems. I prayed but i have little faith that God will help me. Because i'm a nobody. That's why i worried. But i'm not anymore. I believe now. I'm strong now.
Life is, the way i decide to see it, the way i decide to make it. I can be stressed out today, or i can just laugh about it. See the humor in it. I told my sister, someday i'm going to tell a lot of people about today.
My problems is still here. I still don't have any money. But i just know, God's help is never grandeur. It's always in this humble appearance of calmness. In quiet happiness. In things just working out very slowly. In small things that seems like coincidences. But i know, all that, are His most definite, devine works.
Thank you God. For Everything.