A few months ago, i decided to follow what was "instructed" to me in my heart. To make an international conference that will touch 4000 people's lives. It took me so many months to finally say, "Yes, i will do this."
What happened after was weird, to say the least. From the moment i step out there, Storms started to close in. I was in a battle i didn't know about. I was attacked. My will, my resolve, everything was attacked. By people who don't believe in it, by chances that don't come my way, by cancelations, by distractions, by disheartening decisions, by pain and dissapoinments.
All of the effort to bring me down did not succeed, until one did. One thing happened and it shook me to the core. It made me lose sight and feel of everything. EVERY THING. I walked aimlessness and strayed to the unknown. Slowly though, i feel like the hold of that pain wearing off. I found my self in a place i've never been. Somewhere far and dark all the time. I have stopped my self from wandering off. I am now on my way back to my self. Now i realized, i have walked so far that it'll take me some time to get back to that kingdom of self. That kingdom where i reign knowing with every breath i own, who i am and why i'm here. I can only know it from memory, but i have not feel it in my lungs and my blood, and in every inch of my being. But slowly, i'm on the way.
I've heard this story before, so many times. They say, this is always what happened when you are put in a path. You get tested, you get defeated, you are attacked by the opposites of light. I claimed that i am the light and the salt of the earth. But as soon as i made that i claim, i was sucked in the dark and was made to feel and taste nothing.
When we are put on a mission, when we follow a vision, you thought that you will be guided, the roads will be dangerous but you will be protected. But boy, how i didn't expect the treacherous road! When i was kidnapped by the dark, i saw nothing. Right now, i am beckoned into grace again. But still, i'm the one who has to walk back to the path of light. I have to train my thoughts to believe that this journey will not be in vain. I need to just keep walking and believing. Because faith is the frequency where God work His miracles. I need to stay in this frequency. Even if all i hear is static now. Even if i'm still walking in a dark slippery path, with storms pouring on me. This path will bring me home. I need to discipline my steps, train my thoughts, strategize my provision, i need to surrender my self to the will of God. Everything will fall into place, not as i planned, but as God has planned them to happen.
Keep walking, Nin. It won't be long now. Refocused and discipline yourself. Just keep walking.